It is not easy to learn to speak Alzheimer’s.
As the disease progresses, it often causes our loved ones to lose verbal communication skills. But the loss of verbal communication is different than the loss of communication entirely. Grow closer to your loved one, learn from their eyes and their non-verbal clues, and watch as human emotion and the patience of love can overcome even the most trying of diseases.
One of the greatest joys I’ve ever had was in realizing the depth of nonverbal communication a former client was capable of. It was easy to learn this by just sitting with her and holding her hand. I saw her sitting from a distance, as the staff reported she often did late at night. She was watching the staff finish their evening duties, and I overwhelmingly wanted to find out what she was thinking as she sat, watching.
So I approached her, asking if she cared for a magazine. She nodded, and I took a travel magazine out and began to show her pictures. She smiled. Then slowly she told me, in four or five-word sentences that she had once been to Rome, and she loves it there. We laughed and I shared I had also spent time there. A church picture caught her eye, and she shared she loved reading the Bible. I answered that I do too. As is often the case, I talked too much. My long-form thoughts would lose her, and she struggled to answer complex questions. But she would listen patiently, smile and try to communicate through the haze of scrambled thoughts and words. I’d rephrase a remark for simplicity, and off we went again talking about her travels.
We were both learning how to spend time with one another. My battle was to keep clear and concise, hers was to fight through the illness and connect her memories into words. Despite our communication gap, it was so nice to share these memories. Time went by and we kept our conversation alive, talking about what we both liked and laughing at funny things together. She was a well-traveled woman, one with a kind spirit and a twinkle in her eye. Alzheimer’s Disease was fading the connections between mind and mouth but it had not robbed her of the desire for human connection, and it had not left her without a story to share.
As we finished our time together, the staff looked at wondering if I was related to her. No, I replied…I’ve just learned to speak Alzheimer’s. The key is in asking our loved ones to access old memories and to engage them in something they are joyful about. Next time you visit a relative, bring pictures, companionship, old hobbies, and interests. By sharing a few words together or even just the time spent holding hands, you’ll be amazed how deeply the connection is felt, how clearly Alzheimer’s does not break the soul, and how strong the bonds of friendship can grow.
Beth Cayce, CEO, CaraVita Home Care
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