It can be a real challenge to care for a senior who is resistant to the very support you are offering. How do you help someone who doesn’t want it? There are, however, a few simple tricks that can help break down the walls of resistance:
Get to the Cause
For some seniors, acceptance of care equates to submission or a loss of independence. Others may feel frightened, angry, vulnerable, or guilty. Others still may have burgeoning mental health concerns. Watch the behaviors that serve as care resistance triggers, discuss these behaviors openly and honestly with both the family member and the extended care network. Together, work to understand why they resist care and examine if this newfound understand offers any solutions.
With Touchy Subjects, Timing is Critical
Note when your loved one is at their most calm and relaxed. These are the times that are best to start conversations, offer advice, or just listen and be heard. Loved ones often need time between conversations to process “big-deal” information. If you’ve spoken about care, or resistance to care in the past, a calm moment might be the perfect time to revisit the idea.
Understand Preferences
Ask your loved one directly – what type of care do you want or need? The answers to these questions aren’t always realistic, and you may not always be able to meet their wishes, but it will shed light on their thinking and the barriers to their happiness. What a loved one doesn’t want says as much about their thinking as what they do.
One common mistake: Just because a loved one has fallen ill or aged to the point of care requirements doesn’t mean they can’t make certain decisions for themselves. Understand what they would prefer to have happened, and make considerations and accommodations to meet those preferences wherever possible.
Compromise Without Compromising
Because loved ones need our oversight as they continue to age, and because the dynamics of our relationships change as we become caregivers, we must make care-related decisions first from the perspective of health, safety, and wellness. But, if there is anywhere we can compromise, anywhere where we can give our loved ones the freedom they still want, or the voice to be heard, it’s always best to defer to the middle ground. Without compromising your loved one’s safety, is there anywhere you can compromise to reach a resolution?
For more resources for caregivers, visit our Woodland Ridge blog!
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