One complaint we hear often from adult children is that they just don’t know to talk with their parents about driving—or, rather, not driving. The issue is complex. Driving isn’t simply a skill: driving embodies a lifestyle. Remember getting your license? That accomplishment meant freedom and independence. It meant coming of age. Driving gave you a sense of power over your destiny—literally!
Taking away the keys means not only taking away a means of transportation, but it also means delving into the very essence of power, freedom, and independence. We want to be strong adults who are self-sufficient and able to care for ourselves, so it’s difficult to begin seeing ourselves differently, and it can be difficult to accept the changes we see in our older loved ones. Keeping those we love safe, though, is always a top priority. So what’s the key to balancing a healthy respect for our loved ones as independent adults and a healthy awareness of physical and/or mental changes that might impair their driving ability?
The first step may seem obvious, but it’s often avoided: talk about the issue of driving. A study published by Liberty National Insurance Company found that while 84% of older drivers say they are willing to have a discussion about their driving, a full one-third of adult children prefer to avoid having the conversation altogether despite half of the adult children surveyed expressing concerns about their parents’ driving. The result? Only about 6% of older drivers have actually had a conversation with concerned family members or physicians.
The number of seniors who are willing to talk about driving is encouraging. That number also represents a far greater willingness to talk than adult children assume. In the survey, less than half of the adult children surveyed thought their parents would not want to discuss this topic. So the best piece of advice we have? Don’t assume that your parents won’t talk with you.
Also, don’t assume that it’ll be a single conversation. Again, the feelings behind the task of driving will take time to sort through. The loss of independence will be accompanied by a grieving process that will include the traditional stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As a concerned adult child, you’ll need to be by your parent’s side as they grieve. Simply offering alternative transportation solutions won’t address the underlying feelings.
Fortunately, there are some great tools that may prove helpful as you embark on the conversation. AARP has a free online seminar called We Need to Talk and Liberty Mutual also provides some conversation starters about Having the Talk.
Locally, we’re fortunate to have the physicians at Northwest Neurology who have been on the forefront of bringing driving safety to the Metro Atlanta area for over 5 years now. Dr. Robert Bashuk of Northwest Neurology group says, “My goal is to make our roads the safest in Georgia.” He began his mission several years ago when he wanted more than his gut feeling as a test measure for a person’s ability to make good driving decisions. Dr. Bashuk found DriveABLE, a company out of Canada, that had developed a cognitive testing tool. He got the DCAT (DriveABLE Cognitive Assessment Tool) and began offering the testing to our local community.
Northwest Neurology does about 500 of these assessments each year, and that number continues to grow as an aging population considers the time to “retire from driving” as Dr. Bashuk puts it. He says approximately 75% of those taking the driving assessment are age 65 and older, but he stresses that other conditions such as traumatic brain injuries, illnesses, and strokes may also be a reason for testing. Dr. Bashuk also notes that taking the driving assessment does not necessarily mean a person should not drive and can, instead, give an objective assessment of that person’s abilities. That objective assessment can take away part of the stress family members and drivers alike may feel when confronting the need to give up the keys. Results of the test are not shared with any outside entity such as the Department of Driver Services. Dr. Bashuk says test results are shared only with the patient and any referring physician as well as family members whom the patient designates.
Primarily, Dr. Bashuk sees two issues among drivers who have some cognitive challenges: hitting the gas instead of the brake and not judging traffic flow accurately when making a left-hand turn. If you follow the local news, you will have seen these accidents reported. In fact, just a few months ago, a driver crashed through a back wall into a Smyrna senior center. Police believe the driver hit the gas instead of the brake. In this case, no one was injured – which was nothing short of a miracle since the car went through a wall, a meeting room, a hallway, and a workout room before stopping.
Dr. Bashuk and the physicians at Northwest Neurology want to be part of the team that helps families keep their loved ones safe – and part of a team that keeps our roads safe. If you’re thinking about having a conversation about driving with your loved one, don’t wait until it’s too late. Check out the resources available to support you and your older driver. The resources listed above can provide ideas about starting the conversation and tools to help you and your older driver make an objective assessment. Bon voyage!
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